Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Randomize
