Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Randomize
