Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize