it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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