She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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