Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
