whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
