i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
