I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
