I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
