kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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