Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
