I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
