I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
