he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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