I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
