I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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