My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
my liver is dry heaving
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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