I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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