Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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