I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
