and i looked up. we had an audience...
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
