Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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