And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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