bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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