I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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