You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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