Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
