Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
