saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
