I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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