Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
