sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
