we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
not ubering you a puppy
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize