I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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