We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize