dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
