Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize