I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
