he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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