My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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