Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
