If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
