Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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