In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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