I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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