All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
