Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
