She announced her abortion via fbk
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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