The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
