I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
The power of my boobs compel you
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
