I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize