It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
