All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
