hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
you made out with another girl for some wings
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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