remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
