He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
