So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
