she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
