I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
