Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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